It is the strong sense of a Possible Self, in the Present, that quickens our ability to to rally from a trauma, to bounce back from a falter, to co-creatively respond rather than react, to what presents in each moment of our now, held in deep compassion and regard for the trails and sails that it took us to get here.
Years ago, I hit a moment of black despair: bitter, ashamed, cold, tired, I groused that no one knew where I was, and that no one cared. An inner voice gently cut through my shivering and self-disgust. "I know where you are. Let's get you home, and to bed."Something wise, deep and caring bucked the tide, cut through my crap, with immovable conviction that I was worthy of grace and love.
I just finished reading a book called The Horse Boy, by Rupert Isaacson--there's also a documentary of that same title that you can watch on Amazon Prime. It's a book of wonder and desperation, of edges pushed, risks taken, of setbacks, doubt, fear--and breakthroughs, leaps of joy, and a deep steadfastness to inner and outer promises--not only surface promises, but the deeper promises--a story of a father's quest to heal his autistic son--that took them across an ocean and into outer Mongolia and beyond to the taiga of Siberia.
This book was a template to me in how we can show up for ourselves, make that same kind of deep commitment of staunch love and sacred witness to our own temerity, our new beginnings--then through trial and error, intuition and instinct, focus, attention, and practice, become strong and sure-footed when held in our own deep, positive regard. Held by a love that doesn't give up, makes it safe to bumble, to stumble, to scratch and yawn, let fly both curses and peals of laughter, to yearn and be fulfilled. Where it's OK--to encounter the unknown, the unfamiliar, nose-to-nose, to not already be all-informed, to encounter newness, within us and outside of us. To reach out and touch it, meet it, greet it.
Artist Caroline Caldwell, Artist. Bad girl. Co-curator of Art in Ad Places: http://artinadplaces.com
captures this in her quote/picture below (by permission):
IN A SOCIETY THAT PROFITS FROM YOUR SELF DOUBT, LIKING YOURSELF IS A REBELLIOUS ACT
Though I like my comforts, and the ease, contentment and security that comes from the familiar, I have to say that there is no more "bat-shit" feeling than withholding an adventure from myself, the road not taken--out of laziness, fear or self-doubt, sometimes exhaustion. What heals self-doubt is self-compassion. This is not egoic license to do whatever, without care. This is, instead, accountable, deep self regard. When joined with an invitation to be partnered by the Universe--grace, power and connections, constellations of support and clarity, form out of the mist. And the horse you're riding, of each new day, is warm and steady underneath you, as you rebel--defiantly liking who you are/are becoming, right now.
